I'm in such a state of flux right now... Those who know me know that I've been in a really pissed off place in my head about uncontrollable events at my job. Most also know I took matters into my own hands and put in bids for a new job. Well, my supervisor and great friend called me yesterday afternoon with the news: I got a new job. I will be rejoining the human race: I will be working DAYS. 10:30 AM to 7 PM. Not a bad deal; off early enough in the evening to actually go out and have fun, not in too early in the morning to prevent going out the night before and having fun...

So why am I less than ecstatic right now? I Hate Change. I know all the cliches already, so don't bother reciting the litany: "change is good", "change is inevitable", "without change there is no growth"... blah, blah, blah... Blah. BLAH. Have I said this before? Let me say it again: I HATE CHANGE. I know this makes no sense, especially when I've become disenchanted and unhappy in my current circumstances. But they're MY circumstances, dammit, and there is some comfort level that comes with ownership. I did what I was supposed to do: I made the mental list of pros vs. cons, going vs. staying, and the pros of going outweighed the cons of staying. BUT THERE WERE "PROS" ON THE SIDE OF STAYING ALSO. And now they are rearing their ugly little heads, sticking out their tongues and razzing me, making me question whether I made a good decision or not.

Let me list a few so you can join me in my pity party. I will be leaving behind 2 of the best friends anyone could ever have and a gaggle of other good buddies. I have had the good fortune of working for an amazing supervisor for the past 2 years, which is extremely rare in my job. In my 21-year federal career, I can name my truly excellent supervisors on one hand and have three fingers left over. She is very good at what she does, she is fair, and above all, she genuinely cares about her employees. But more than being an exemplary supervisor, she has become one of my best friends. It is she who encouraged, cajoled, and eventually pushed me off the cliff into counseling. And I am a better person for it. I will be eternally indebted to her for helping me see this was the only logical decision to be made at that point in my life. The other great friend is someone I only renewed my connection with in the past several months. We used to work together years ago, but as time and circumstances separated us, we lost touch. When she transferred to my shift several months ago, it was like coming home to an old friend -- the kind you can pick up the conversation with in mid-sentence years later. She is a joy to be around; she puts a smile on my face the minute I walk through the door. She sees the humor and the beauty in ordinary life and she makes those around her take time to appreciate it as well.

When contemplating the reality that I will no longer be working for and with these two, it makes me rather reticent. I feel like I'm heading out on a high-wire across a great chasm, and I don't have either of them to steady me. But if I listen closely, each is cheering me on as I venture to a new place. I have made a solemn vow to not lose touch with either of them. Great friends are difficult to find in this world, and even more difficult to keep. But it is worth whatever time and effort I must put forth to make it happen, because I am a better person for having each of them in my life.